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Gothic Dreams v. The only reason I hide my face

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Probation

Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!Im off probation!v


OKAY anyways to make a long story short;
Courtney just came to school and told me that he was santa clause because he let me off probation,



Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Public Service Announcment

If your eyes are reading this that means that you should be writting in my comments box.
Post your oppionions Come on its not like your going to make me Cry or anything...

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?, or
Saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.

Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might
break your heart...if you don't, you might break theirs.


Have u ever decided not 2 become a couple because you were so afraid of
losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.

You can't tell your heart what to do.

It does it on its own....when you least suspect it, or even when you
don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that
other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too
much...for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at
all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of
rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we
don't know, afraid of what others will think,
afraid of what will be found out about us.

The worst way to want something is when its right there but you cant reach it,
So that must mean the worst way to love somebody is when they're right there but you
cant touch them....


But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.

Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have
done, or could have had.

* What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say
good-bye?

*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be
there?

*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you
never got to tell them how you felt?
even if it is that you don't care anymore

I made this mistake once... and IM still regreting it.


Tuesday, January 13, 2004

...Caskets On the news

I wont come in to work today,
There's caskets on the news.
I will not go to school today,
There's a casket on the news.

How can you act like you dont care,
Theres a casket On the news
You were my entire world
Theres caskets on the news

You take my breath every day
Who's caskets' on the news?
Chain me up and hide me away
who's casket is on the news?!

I will not go to school today
My caskets on the news...
I wont be in for work today
My casket is on the news,

Anxiety sucks it controlled my life....
And my casket is on the news
I got out of controll, things went downhill
And my casket is on the news....

He broke my heart and threw me away
Yes thats MY casket on the news...
Will You brake my heart and toss me away
Cause thats my casket on the news...

Could you help me pry my eyes away
From the caskets on the news?...
would you help me pry my eyes away
From my casket on the News?


Sunday, January 04, 2004

Pathetic as fuck

I guess I didnt make the phrase "Leave me the fuck alone and ill do the same to you" clear enough




From : Betty Beebs
Sent : Sunday, January 4, 2004 2:07 AM
To : gothicbtchbarbie909@hotmail.com
Subject : RE: o

| | Inbox


This is stefani right now and I read what you wrote to linzie and half that shit you wrote was way bellow the belt and wrong and don't for one second think that you went to that school frist because you sure in the hell don't own the damn thing if If i remember right I went to that school the same exact day you did witch was the first day of fucking school and I didn't freakin copy you on going there I went there on my own okay so don't be think9ng you are the frist one to go there...and you know that linzie didn't get in the shower with zach zach got in the shower with her so quit your bitching because that was a long time ago and you guys already talked about it and if you want me to come say it to your face i will be happy to and linzie did not drag me into this i got into it myself and I don't think bryant had any right to say that shit about me he don't even fuckin know me and that was wrong and I dn't like jake and I don't think I can get any guy I want because if I thought I could then I would have jake then huh you stupid bitch think about it and I haven't fucked near as many guys as you have and don't act like you are the only picked on person in the fucking world because if you think you can make it in the real world you wouldn't drop out because doing that only proves that you won't make it and that's how you slove your problems and you don't have to change for us I could care less if you changed because I don't give a flying fuck what you do with your life but when you realize what a big fuck up you are you will wish you would have change and all we are trying to do is help you nothing more and nothing less and about the peom thing get over it you stole it and you know it so stop bitchin about it okay and don't sit here and tell me I don't think I need to grow up because i know I need to grow up because I have a lot of growing up to do but am I afraid to admit it no so why the hell are you so scared.......and I think that bryant knows he shouldn't have said that stuff because he don't know me because all he knows about me is the shit you tell and I know the shit you tell isn't gonna be good he had no right to say any of that stuff because he don't know me but I know you pretty well not really good but good enough and yeah maybe I had no right to say that shit to you but I did and I can't take it back and even if i could i wouldn't I don't think you deserve to be mean to because you don't deserve shit form anyone because if you treat everyone like you treat me or linzie(your used to be good friend) then no one should be nice to you back...............i think you are mad because you are a whore and you know it and i think you put peole down so people wont see through you but you better wait because when people get to know the way I or Linzie do life will be hell for you Kali THINK ABOUT IT AND GROW UP you know what I don't even know why I waste my time trying to help you because you are just gonna keep being a bitch and if you want to play like that I will be more than happy to be a bitch back





Thursday, December 25, 2003

Stop!

Stop looking at me Frosty... Stop looking at me Frosty....

You're on the neighbor's yard. The neighbor's.. not ours.

You're a hideous blow up snowman and who ever decided you had to be that huge was obviously drunk. I'm already plotting to have you destroyed so I will never had to see you out my window again. What do you say to that?

I can't wait 'till they deflate you.

Stop looking at me Frosty....


Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Creative energy

I guess I just have alot of creative energy lately because I just keep writing more and more poety,

Heres my newest


My Innerchild


Once I thought I had a soul,
My inner self had all control
But not that girl, that child is dead
And whence I think of her I’m filled with dread
Oh Kali, Kali, where have you gone?
With your golden hair so fair
And with such love for your mom,
You’ve gone away to a better day filled with
Bright colors, joy and grace,
Oh Kali, Kali you left in your place
A child so dark mysterious and grey,
Void of all love for anything bright and gay
She kills off your joy, and breaks all your toys,
She’s the essence of your emotions destroyed.
Her clothes are all black, her hair long, half-way down her back
Her eyes are green, bright entrancing, her face so pale, and color all gone
Manson’s her favorite music; she is no longer nice to the one called ‘Mom”
She cannot be hurt by any word, she longs nightly for her voice to be heard
“let me out” she cries by the day, “please let me out, Ill be nice when I play”
No one trusts her, She’s a walking contradiction, used and reused, Oh Kalista,
Why must you stay?
Why can’t Kali come back out to play?
As I beg my inner self to let her come play,
I realize that I’ve been talking to her all day
Kali is Kalista, Grown up in her own way…..
No Longer innocent as I would have willed her stay,
but Harsh and cruel, she fussed with Kalista somewhere in may,
She’s still full of grace, now there’s a different kind of paint on her face She’s still full of grace, now there’s a different kind of paint on her face
And I ask myself, would I wish for kali in her place?




And heres a poem thats not mine but its cool
-Died for Love-

I sit in the park where I dwell,

For this boy I love so well.

He took my heart away from me,

Now he wants to set me free.

I see a girl on his lap,

He says things to her he never said to me.

I ran home to cry on my bed,

Not a word to mother was said.

Father came home late that night,

He looked at me from left to right.

He saw me hanging from a rope,

He took his knife to cut me down.

And on my dress a note was found:

Dig my grave, Dig it deep.

Dig my grave, From head to feet.

And on the top place a dove.

And remember this, I died for love...


Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Nunnery in logan?

I went with steve-o , sam and zack to this old nunnery up logan canyon because its suppossed to be haunted. Little did I know that 38 people were held hostage there 0_0 read.

Nightmare in logan Canyon! READ THIS!!!!


Thursday, August 28, 2003

New school Year 2003

Well Its been an eventfull summer but I've finally settled down a bit for the new school year.
Ive started going to this Private Charter school Under the Copper Mill (a resturant) In logan.
Its everything Ive wanted in a school for a long Time.
We dont have a very strict dress code and We can dye Our hair any color (Theres this kid Bryant Whos hair is NEON PINK!)
And have any piercings. By the way I just got my nose Pierced it looks great Ive been told but its infected u_u
also I dyed my hair again the burgandy just keeps on coming out so now its a dark aburn color.
well I better get back to class so....post again later


Sunday, May 04, 2003


never Plant trees with 0ld men

Ok. Yesterday I learned why you do not plant trees with old men. The old guy that bought me shoes took me out to plant trees as I would get paid for it he said.
So I went with him up to bear lake (about an hours drive from here) and got ready to do some heavy tree planting.

The trees turned out to be sticks.
This old guy wanted me to plant sticks in the ground and see if they would grow. Okay.

Physco.

And Today I went to church where they were talking about sheep. I told aaron he could be my sheep and he agreed. Fun fun :-D






The Girl

Jackson+
sixteen +
White. +
11/26/88 +
sagittarius +
Athiest+
American +
dreamseeker +
ambitious +
near perfectionist +
procrastinator +
highly sensitive +
mood-swinger +
paranoid +
contradictory +
is Feeling:The current mood of Lucifer+

Loves*
Tawny Mortensen+
Lindsay Elting+
walking in the rain +
sunrise +
sunset +
silence +
tranquility +
GREEN +
black +
red +
music +
Black roses+
lilies +
having fun +
photography +
travelling +
good grades +
time with friends +
relaxing +
shopping +
enjoying the sea breeze +
Hugo-scents +
watches +
pendants +
Jewlery+
simplicity +
coffee +
musical-boxes +
night time +
nail art +
Mudd jeans +
freedom +
dreaming +
peacefulness +

turn-offs*
superficial "friends" +
that feeling of loneliness +
stenches +
rats +
hyprocrites +
Male Chauvinist Pigs +
petty ingrates +
stalkers +
being doubted +
being reprimanded +
obsessiveness +
backstabbers +
cockroaches +
wet lipping cigarettes +
selfishness +
attention-seekers +
unreasonable people +
Closed Minded People+
Self-centered people +

Email: me



Other =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Pictures of me and others too
Without Bangs!
Bunny ears are fun!
Black hair picture 1
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Old school blonde me
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Boo
smile
ewww
Nya-nya-ny-naa
GREEN IS COOL
bad hair day
grin and bare it





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